According to Moonalice legend, the river’s edge in northern New Jersey was home to a major tribal trading center. The village of Hempneck was legendary for its harvest pow-wow, Big Bud, a forty-day smoke fest that drew thousands. Our research revealed that fossilized roaches were found during the pre-construction excavation at what is now Mexicali Blues, indicating that this may have been the site of ancient Big Bud pow-wows. Further research revealed that prissy Brits stamped out the Big Bud in the early 18th century. Whether this was to control the natives or to take the product for themselves remains unclear. What is clear is that the British changed the name of the town to Teaneck, and American patriots rebelled. Led by noted hemp farmer George Washington, the colonists staged a revolution to protect life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In retrospect, the whole revolution thing makes way more sense in the context of this vital fact. Think about it. Why would anyone start a war over tea? It had to be over something way cooler than tea. Duh.